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CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
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Author:  sstiles [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 4:06 am ]
Post subject:  CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
Generals McOmish and Strickler

Allow me to take you on a cultural tour of Richmond. You boys will need to have a bath and polish up on your manners first though.....oh, and don't wear your uniform. Go in civvies!

Image

We will try to not let you be seduced by the "pampered Richmond social scene" as you call it.

No General McOmish Sir!!!! Sorry I mean Mr McOmish.......You can't have two at once!
Author:  Blake [ Thu Mar 17, 2011 5:29 am ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
Thank you, Stewart! We appreciate the party in our honor! Cameron and I shall head over and grab some punch for the ladies here.

Come Cameron...



What's that, sir? No I dont reckon Stewart realizes that he has gained a few pounds already.

Did you see that politicians wife?! I never seen anything so ugly that wasnt in the middle of a cornfield scaring crows.

Huh? What in'it taste like? Here, let me try.

Whoa! No, t'ain't no alcohol in this punch t'all. What kinder place is this here?

Whats that? No, I dont think anyone will mind if and we add a bottle of rum to the punch.

How'd you get that thar cut on your cheek, Cam?
And she done slapped you for that! Any good business proposition ought always be determined beforehand, sir. You was absolutely correct. Now how was you to know she was the governor's daughter? Besides she should be flattered you offered so much.

Let me try the punch now.

Still a might too weak, sir. Here add this.

No, ain't no label on the bottle. It kinder smells like whiskey. Just add it what the devil do you care?

Well would you get a load of that general over there! N'ary a hole in his uniform or a mark on his boots. He must be one of them Army of Georgia officers.

By the way did you notice Stewart's gloves? Who does he think he is impressing?

Yes, by God, I did notice that smell! He was wearing perfume I done knew it!

Okay, try the punch now. How is it? Good? Stop that coughing, sir! So its good enough?

Lets git on back then!




Stewart, old buddy, fine party! And this here punch is ex-cell-ent, sir! Whats that? You say the Ladies Prohibition Society and the Nuns of St. Mary's are on their way to donate some bandages for our boys at the front? The punch is for them? .... Oh....

Yall, s'cuse me I believe I left my hat by the punch bowl. Come and help me find it Cam.




Well now you have gone and done it! What we going to do? No, we can't leave yet!

Let me check. No, I don't have any lice with me tonight. I done took a bath.

Whats your idea?

Hide the punch?! .... Where in our pockets?!

A fine mess you have gotten me into, sir. Spike the punch you said, ha!

.... uh oh! Here come the Sisters! Quick do something! I'll distract them.




Sisters, what a lovely surprise I.... what's that? The man behind me? What is he a doing?

Oh.....

He seems to be a soaking his feet in the punch bowl, Sister.

Why? .... Well my old friend Mr. Stiles will answer that for you I am sure.

Mr. McOmish, sir, let's depart for the prayer meeting before all them good seats are taken. Goodnight Sisters.



Soaking your feet? Really Cam? See if we ever get invited back now!
Author:  sstiles [ Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:59 am ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
A few hours later:

Mr Strickler and Mr McOmish - its been a devil of a job to find you.
You missed a rip roaring party Sir - in fact it hasn't ended yet - looks like it could go on all night!

I can't understand it. The Ladies Temperence Society are "real party animals"! Wouldn't think they could be such fun on non alcoholic bevereges would you!

I was also surprised that Mother Superior announced that she is renouncing her vows and has decided to look for a husband - and to top it all she has found one! Little did I suspect that tonight would be such an auspicious night and that I would be the means of bringing two people together in matrimony!

Congratulations Mr McOmish - I wish you and the ex Mother Superior a long and happy life together.
Author:  Blake [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 2:57 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
(Stewart leaves the hotel)

"What did you do last night Cam?!"

"Well now you have done it, sir! Quick get dressed we better get out of town quick, fast and in a hurry!"

"Why didn't I stop you? Your the one who said, 'She's over 18.' I was just happy that, for once, you weren't lying."

[knock on door] "Cammy, darling, are you decent?" comes a female voice.

"The window Cam, the window! We can jump down to the street."

[crash and breaking glass]

"Cam, open the window first next time. Okay jump!"

"Nice jump, sir, lets get out of here! The train station is to the west."

The two generals hurriedly head west through Richmond.
Author:  sstiles [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:13 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
"Cammy" who is "Cammy"?

Gen Simms have you heard of "Cammy"?
Author:  sstiles [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:37 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
The next morning:

Orderly - Not so much noise if you please! Coffeee & lots of it - black & strong!
The Provost Marshal of the ANV arrives.

What Sir! The Western Theater Generals are missing! How can that be? Last heard Mr, I mean Gen McOmish, was supposed to be having his stag party before his nuptials today. You say he left all his uniforms & clothes behind? The bedroom windows broken! I hope that they haven't been kidnapped by a Yank undercover hit squad! Gen Roubaud would stop at nothing!

Just then the captain in charge of the sentries runs in and salutes, "Begging to report Sir - our sentries at the station say they saw two men - trying to jump on the Vicksburg train as it was leaving. The younger one made it but the older one with white whiskers was last seen running buck naked down the tracks chasing the train........ We was taken by surprise - it was a terrifying spectacle - worse than a whole corps of bluebellies comin at you!

What am I going to tell Agnes? ( Really can't get used to her being the ex Mother Superior). Oh no...here she is.
Good morning Mother.....sorry I mean Agnes. No I haven't seen WHO? Cammy darling? We are out searching for him now M'am.
Don't worry though - there are many more fish in the sea. No don't be like that! You say you're going North to help the Yanks!

Oh well...so be it. Agnes you must look up General Meyer of the Yank army. I have heard it said that he is a fine figure of a man who really looks after his ladies. He has an impeccable reputation for..........where's she gone?
Author:  Blake [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
ABOARD THE TRAIN:

Col. Anonymous my old friend! How are you, sir?

Why am I only wearing my long-johns? Yes... well... a whole Yankee Division was pursuing me! Would you believe it? A whole Yankee Division.

You don't?

How about a Yankee brigade?

No?

You saw a group of Nuns and men with badges chasing Gen. McOmish?

You saw that did you?

Fine! I will pay you the five dollars! I can't believe you were right again! After the experiences in Nashville and Montgomery you would think I would have learned by now. How one man can get into the same messes so many times is beyond me.
Author:  cameronm [ Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: CULTURAL TOUR OF RICHMOND FOR WT OFFICERS
One of the minor side effects of consuming more that 50 litres a day of alcohol is that you have memory blanks, so I find myself on a training, missing certain articles of clothing, finding out that I have been to a party in Richmond, plus there is some broad called Agnes who wants to talk to me.

Oh please get me back to the civilisation of Vicksburg - this hangover is killing me :(
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