American Civil War Game Club (ACWGC)

Written by a Union Soldier, Sullivan Ballou,

a week or so before 1st Bull Run:

<i><font color="yellow">July the 14th, 1861

Washington DC

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days - perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure - and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing - perfectly willing - to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows - when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children - is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death -- and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and "the name of honor that I love more than I fear death" have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me - perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar -- that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night -- amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours - always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father's love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God's blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan</font id="yellow"></i>

I came across this letter during an idle trawl thru' the Internet. I was struck by Sullivan's eloquence and the humanity of his concerns,as he faced an unknown future.

I wonder did He survive Bull Run and/or indeed the entire War?

Even tho' He was a Union Man, I hope that He did and saw His precious Sons grow to Manhood.

Anyone out there know how to track his Record down and find His Fate? [:D]

Thanks,

Pat.

Patrick G.M.Carroll,
Lieutenant General.
Kilcullen Irregulars
II Corps
Army of Georgia

" When My Country takes it's rightful place, amongst the Nations of the World, then and only then, let My Epitaph be written. "

Patrick,

This letter is featured at the end of the first episode of Ken Burns PBS special. A very touching letter with lots of emotion. Sadly, he died a week later at Bull Run (according to the PBS Special). Which makes the letter even more noteworthy.

Lt.General Dale Lastowicka
VIII Corps
Army of the Shenandoah

Although edited slightly for brevity, I think it is represented so well in Burn's series. Very moving.

Colonel John Sheffield,
1st Brigade <b><font color="red">[Fighting First]</font id="red"></b>
2nd Division,
XXIII Corps
<font color="orange">Army of the Ohio.</font id="orange">
<font color="red">U.</font id="red"><font color="white">S.</font id="white"><font color="blue">A.</font id="blue">

Greeting Pat,
You got me thinking about Sullivan Ballou. Thanks to my interest in Genealogy and a subscription to Ancestry, I was able to come up with the following:
Sullivan was born on 28 March 1827 in Smithfield, Rhode Island to Hiram Ballou and Emaline Francis Bowen. He graduated from Brown University in 1850 presumably with a law degree because by 1860 the census showed his occupation as an attorney. On 5 Oct. 1855 he married Sarah Hart Shumway in Poughkeepsie, NY. Their first son Edgar Fowler Ballou was born in Connecticut on 11 Aug 1856. He lived at least until 1924 when he was residing in Los Anleles, CA. Their second son and last child, William Bowen Ballou was born on 2 Jan 1859 in RI. He dies on 20 Jan 1948 in Providence, RI.
Sulliva was in the RI House of Representatives in 1857. When Lincoln called for 75,000 volunteers in April 1861 Sullivan enlisted in the forming 2nd Rhode Island Infantry Regiment as a Major on 5 June 1861. The regiment left Providence by steamer on 19 June and landed in the Washington area on 22 June 1861.
They marched to Manassas on 21 July 1861 and were one of the first to engage the rebel forces. In 45 minutes the had 28 killed, 56 wounded and 30 missing. Sullivan was one of the gravely wounded and he died 7 day later, on 28 July 1861, in Manassas, Virginia.
His wife, Sarah became a music teacher and eventually the Providence Secretary of Public Schools. She died on 19 April 1917 at the ripe old age of 81. She never remarried.
Pat, aren't you glad you asked!!!



Paul Siragusa
Colonel 2nd Div/II, AoG

I was given a biography on Sullivan as a Christmas present last year and have only read about half of it so far, but it is good. Forget the name. We moved and it is in a box... for almost a year. Yipes.

Regards,

Major Gen. Alan Lynn
CSA Chief of Staff
3rd Bgde, 3rd Cav Div, II Corps, AoA

God Bless <><