American Civil War Game Club (ACWGC)

In commemoration of the 150th anniversary of the War of the Rebellion, the 15th year of the ACWGC, and the 1st day of the battle of Gettysburg, the Army of the Shenandoah issues the following challenge to the Army of Northern Virginia, or as we in the North refer to it as: the Army of No Value, Army of No Victories or Army of Naughty Vice, etc.
We dare, no, we TRIPLE DOG DARE the ANV to meet us upon the field of battle to settle the question of whether the ANV is a bunch of girley-men or not. The Army Commanders will muster their forces and pair the combatants agreeable to both sides. Any battle in any campaign can be fought as long as it is less than 40 turns.
The Challenge is the start of our Summer Offensive, the first Offensive of a total of four, one per season, to be fought against each Rebel Army in turn. So AoG, AOA and AotM make preparations or find a good place to hide, the AotS will come after you!
Men of the Shenandoah! Gird your loins for battle (I love this kind of talk!) and girley-men of the ANV, do whatever you do --girdle your loins, I guess-- it is time for WAR!
Now for the formalities: General Ringbloom, on his magnificent steed, rides up to General Stiles, on his donkey, and deftly removes his metal gaunlets and throws them on the ground (Clank! Clank!) then he removes his dress gloves and slaps General Stiles (Slap!Slap!)in the face.
"General Stiles, do you dare pick up these gaunlets,and by doing so, agree to meet us in battle?

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

Leon as the Adult-Child: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare you"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Drex:
Leon as the Adult-Child: [narrating] Drex created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!

Well then the question remains, will General Stiles and his ANV accept the challenge?

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Brig. Gen. L.T. Korotko
1/1/VI/AotS
The Bucktails

Only a slight breach.

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

Come in Lieutenant.
An insult from who? The Army of the S? What is the S standing for? Shambles, Shabby, Scabrous?
You say you have a picture/poster of the fellow that issued the challenge. Lets see:

Oh yes I remember him well - that's Drex the Jester. When I was at the Point in the old days we used to see this clown and his circus when they came to town. Our intelligence has advised that he is now a Yank general - well I guess that is an improvement on those people they have sent against us up until now. Let's have a look at those intel pics that you have brought:

THE AotS on the Move

AotS ARTILLERY
Let's call our officers....Hey Boys get a load of these "soldiers". The Yanks are really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Send for the latrine detail - they should be able to rid us of this irritation.
Oh there's more pics:

YANK CAVALRY - Whatever is he doing?

MORE YANK CAVALRY

AND YET MORE - That one's in full dress uniform
You say there is a K9 unit too?

DOGGONE!

OK Lieutenant tell Drex the Jester the ANV is delighted to meet him and his "Boys". Should be a good laugh if nothing else.

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General Stewart Stiles

Army of Northern Virginia

Damn! Those Zoave uniforms look sharp on the parade ground! But let's look at the Rebs parade ground demeanor:
Notice how they hold the order and man! those uniforms look sharp! Right out of skid-row.
This is the ANV?

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

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Gen. Weir: they may be marching but those garments double for parade ground dress and pajamas I'm betting. And yes we picked on the girley-men of North Virginia just to see what they are made of. Hopefully you can muster 23 combatants to make it a meaningful effort.

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

Gee Drex the Jester seems a very confused clown.
One minute he refers to the "girley" ANV & the next he shows a picture of the lean, tough men of the ANV with sarcastic reference to our sartorial elegance.
I cannot think of a more girley set up than those Yank zouaves in their baggy red pants.

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General Stewart Stiles

Army of Northern Virginia

Gen. Stiles: You should know that the Zoauves were specially trained troops, elite as it were,and were entitled to their unusual dress, which,bythe way, was easy on the march, not chaffing the skin AND the blowsiness gave a false impression of a target for the rebs. The photo I provided was an accurate portrayal of the Southern rabble and the dress certainly does not reveal their girliness for this was a Butch unit.

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

Gentlemen of the AotS,
As you are marching off to meet the ANV make sure you pack your sun tan lotion and swim suits as we have prepared a special resort in Georgia, just south of Atlanta, for your extented stay with us in the south.

Warmest regards,
Gen. J Newton
ANV

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Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons! you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Comrades of the AotS,

I have Taunted the enemy, they are most annoyed and ill tempered. They should be easy pickings after my taunts.

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Brigadier General Kevin Koch
2/2/VI
AotS

That was a very civilized insult Cpt. Koch!

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Gen. Drex Ringbloom,
AotS ,Commanding

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General Ernie Sands
President ACWGC -Sept 2015- Dec 2020
7th Brigade, 1st Division, XVI Corps, AoT
ACWGC Records Site Admin

"If you do not know where you are going, any road will take you there."

Monty Python never gets old!

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General Mark Nelms

3/2/XX/AoC "Blackhawk Brigade"

Union Military Academy Instructor