Just to lighten things up and with Posts being slow.....
LT Blake Strickler was jumped by two Rebels and fought like hell, but was finally subdued. His attackers then proceeded to go through his pockets.
"You mean you fought like that for 57 cents?" asked one of the Southerners incredulously. "Is that all you wanted?" moaned Blake. "I thought you were after the $400 in my shoe!"
Blake was extremely sad with life because people always made fun of him. He decided to do something about it. He sat down to contemplate the situation, and after a few hours, he thought, "I have never seen anyone making fun of Southerners. So, if I start talking and behaving like them, no one will be able to make out that I am a Yankee and make fun of me."
Blake went into isolation for three months and after a lot of practice, he walked confidently into a shop and said, "I am very hungry. Give me some shrimp & grits and a glass of sweet tea." Immediately, the man behind the counter said "Are you a Dang Yankee?" Blake was taken aback and repeated his request.
The man behind the counter said, "Are you a dang yankee or not?" Blake was very ashamed and amazed at the shop owner's discerning ability and so he admitted to the fact after which he asked, "But how did you know?" The shopkeeper replied, "This is a hardware store!"
Blake was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later Blake complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," Blake said, "Shoving them up my arse?"
