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 Post subject: Special Sale on Blue Worsted Wool!
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2015 5:49 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 3:20 pm
Posts: 1138
Location: USA
Officers of the CSA,

We're making a special one-time offer to all of you ragamuffins to turn in your sodden and torn gray rags and put on a real uniform! That's right, a real, blue, worsted wool Union Army uniform! Think of how spiffy you'll look after the war is won and over, and how you'll be able to sagely point your finger at your former, unbending compatriots and say, "I told you so!"

You'll become a galvanized Yankee officer as soon as we get you fitted and signed up. You'll be able to drink all the liquor and coffee that you want. You'll be able to get all of that critical dental work you've been forced to put off and finally appreciate the benefits of real theraputic paper. No more grousing about battles you can't win, and no more lice crawling around in your beard or hair sticking out of your hat.

(You'll have to relearn how to properly spit your bacci juice, though, keeping it from dribbling down your vest and onto your boots.)

Sound good? It should, and you should also know that we treat drunkards in the process, allowing them to learn how to become better functioning officers while actually increasing the amount of liquor they can hold. But this is a one-time, special offer. Don't delay.

Send Lt. Gen. David Martin an e-mail as soon as possible, and he'll be glad to put you on the list!

_________________
General Jos. C. Meyer,
Union Army Chief of Staff
Commander, Army of the Shenandoah
(2011-2014 UA CoA/GinC)


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 Post subject: Re: Special Sale on Blue Worsted Wool!
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2015 10:22 pm 
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Joined: Tue May 22, 2001 8:05 pm
Posts: 846
Location: Panhandle of Texas
...and you won't have to fight a 3 day battle just to see if the rumor of new shoes is true, we'll just give you some.

_________________
General Mark Nelms
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6/2/XIV/AoC "Blackhawk Brigade"
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Union Military Academy Instructor


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 Post subject: Re: Special Sale on Blue Worsted Wool!
PostPosted: Sat May 09, 2015 11:20 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2003 9:52 am
Posts: 1667
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Sadly the Blue Belles of the Ball are misguided....first off, you're more liable to be dead in a blue uniform than a gray or butternut one. Least those colors blend into things. Second you're bound to get a commander who can't speak English and who has been hired from the docks of some overcrowded slum filled northern city like New York or Boston or Filthadelphia! :P So you know they have no allegiance to the Union cause and them and everyone in the regiment will run at the sight of a mad chicken, let alone that of Forrest or Jackson! ;) :) Third you ever taste Yankee liquor, what the hell is in it?? Lemme look at this bottle....formaldehyde!! That'll kill any good ol' Southern boy, but hey, guess the Blue Belles needs some way to straighten their spines and have some courage! Also you ever tasted Yankee food, yeah not yer Momma or Grandma's home cookin', can assure you that!! You notice they are always runnin' to the bathroom... ;) :D More of them in line there than in battle! :D :P Fourth, battles you can't win?? Floyd, check 'em books, see how many Blue Bellies died this month.....uh huh....I see, a ton!! Now ya, how many battles did Marse Lee lose.....uh huh, I see, none!! :D Yup, sounds 'bout right!! :P Fifth, we ain't led by Jefferson Davis this time, so we're a wee bit more organized!! :D

Oh and lastly, y'all know you gotta email yer Chief of the Armies for a transfer....right.....somethin' tells me, um, he ain't gonna approve...okay! ;) :D

So best you don't believe these Yankee lies.... :) :P

_________________
General Scott Ludwig
Commanding Officer & Chief of the Armies (CoA) of the Confederate States of America (CSA)

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