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Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
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Author:  cameronm [ Sat Aug 24, 2013 11:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
A most disturbing issue has been brought to my attention by Mr Lane (my Adjutant). He informs me that whilst enjoying the refined surroundings of Mrs Miggins Pie Shop and Bordello (Vicksburg franchise) he noted that two officers present looked like they were from the Union (both were damn ugly, a bit of a giveaway). When questioned they stated they were Drex Stiles and Blake Hovey, upon returning to Richmond Mr Lane checked the rolls and neither officer existed. So the CSABTF (CSA Bordello Task Force) carried out a three month investigation and has found numerous cases of union officers crossing our lines to partake in the more pleasurable activities in life (bowling) and also to visit some our fine naughtier establishments. I take no issue with these places taking money of any union officer; it is the health issues that are most concerning. Unionism is recognized as a contagious disease by the World Health Organization (look what happened up north when it got out of hand) and the only effective control, as we all know, is lead.

This is type of cross border/line activity is to cease and any Union officer caught from this point on will not be paroled.
Author:  Joe Meyer [ Sun Aug 25, 2013 2:34 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
General McOmish, you do my fellow officers a great injustice! For the past three months we have been deluged with requests from these fine, Southern pixies to show them the finer arts of manly behavior the bedroom in the belief that their own men would, with proper instruction from them, cease their deplorable habits of coming to bed with their spurs still on and sticking their chaw behind their ears. We've answered their call with the best of intentions, believing that such refinements would induce a more civilized manner to their erstwhile uncouth behavior upon the field, especially when impelled to retreat. In fact it was Ms. Miggins, herself, who begged us to help her find a way to alleviate the ghastly way in which her girls were ravaged by the southern gentlemen after each such occurrance. I fear, however, that what we've so far accomplished with these remarkably sensitive women may be undone by the CSABTF, a notoriously drunken organization that habitually skins cats alive for the sport of it, thereby blowing their intended cover as manifested by all of the terrible facial scars they bear as a result of this revolting pasttime.
Author:  Mr. Lane [ Sun Aug 25, 2013 11:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
The truth be told, I was in the pie shoppe enjoying my favorite: rhubarb and apple. When I saw a line of furtive men, in great coats collars up, casting their eyes about them, shuffling to the back of the shoppe whereupon they disappeared beneath the curtain hanging on the back door towards the pantry.

"Miss Miggins" I declared, "how be it these ill-shaven men come into thy pantry? And what sound is this I hear of footsteps up a staircase? Could they possibly be Union spies or other riff-raff?"

"Offisah Lane" she cooed. "These men aren't hahmfull - they're bored sillah. Ah've started a little club for bored fellows: Ah call it a bored-ello fur short."

"Oh" I said. "How nice of you. But, they could still be spies. Can you give me a list of the names of these bored fellows? I must report this to the Chief of the Armies."

"And please, another piece of that delicious pie?"
Author:  Ernie Sands [ Tue Aug 27, 2013 5:17 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
Mr. Lane wrote:
"Offisah Lane" she cooed. "These men aren't hahmfull - they're bored sillah. Ah've started a little club for bored fellows: Ah call it a bored-ello fur short."

"And please, another piece of that delicious pie?"


ROFLMAO!

BUT, apple and RHUBARB! A waste of good apples.
Author:  Mr. Lane [ Wed Aug 28, 2013 4:39 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Use of Confederate Bordellos by Union Officers!
rebel chatter around the HQ tent:

"Lookie here Orville! Lookie here!"

"What is it Wilbur? Turn the binoculars around the other way - you'll see better"

"The Unionists are sending codes over the tel-E-graph wire: R-O-F-L-M-A-O"

"Hmm. That would indicate intelligence. Not likely."

"Orville... do you think they's any Union pies in Mississippi?"

"Hush Wilbur! I told you not to speak in code! If you can't keep your mouth shut - I'll stick a potato in it and cook you in oil!"

"Yes-sir. Sorry sir. I mean do you think they's any Union spies in Miss. Miggins Pie Shoppe?"

"Nope. According to the latest report from Miggin - it's all clean."

"But what if? ... What if Miggin is a double agent and the bored fellow club is not clean? What if it's really dirty?"

"Wilbur...thinking is hard for you...I suggest you just stay on the lookout for Alf Moore"
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