American Civil War Game Club (ACWGC)

It was a dark and stormy night........to heck with that. I just thought I would stop by and by a few drinks, tell a few jokes and pick a few fights....errrr.....I mean engage in witty conversation with some gentlemen of the south. So to get things started:

40 Things Never Said By Southerners
40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Please feel free to critique.

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Gen. Randy Hartwig
3/3 XVth Corps, AoT

Indeed, Sir You remind me of the Professional Engineer's exam paper for Alabama and Mississippi:

"How far along the branch of a persimmon tree can a 10# possum move before the branch fails?"

" What is the optimum freezer setting to extract applejack from hard cider?"

"A client has an old truck radiator, a kerosine heater, and several lengths of 1/2 inch copper piping. What is the optimum hourly output of white lightning for resale? Your client is a Baptist, so the product must not cause permanent damage."

"A client proposes to construct a 24' x6' porch from 3x6 sawn timber. Provide a design that will support up to 24 hunting dogs before failure."

"Critique the ACE design of levees at New Orleans in less than less than 10 words."

Explain why a Virginia qualified engineer (Lee) and a Maryland qualified engineer (Trimble) with all the resources of 11 States could not dislodge some bluebellies from a ridge in Pennsylvania. You have unlimited time. Alternatively, explain how a woman's mind works.

Respectfully submitted

Ian Miller
Lt Gen USV

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Ian Miller
bvt Lt Gen USV
3/XVI/AotT

Happy to have yall here! As for the 40 things never said by a southerner you forgot to add:

41. John Wayne was a sissy
42. I love seeing all the Yankees moving south
43. The Civil War is over

General Miller - explain how a woman's mind works or explain Lee's failure in Pennsylvania. Tough choice. Luckily that is why I have a Chief of Staff! He will be happy to answer that question for you as soon as his wife allows him to use the computer again.

<Salute>

Ahhh Gentlemen of the AotM it's great to be back South after our adventures up North.
Why I thought I'd drop in for a jar before heading back out to whip me some more .............hang about,

WHAT IS THAT DAMN SMELL!!!!!!!

Oh fer cryin out loud we got DAMN YANKEE'S!!!!

How many times have I said it, if ye don't bury the scraps and make sure the lids are on the bins ye get
Yankee's hangin around. If I said once it gotta be 100 or more times, now we ain't keeping them......oh no we is not
keepin these damn Yankee's. Oh I know it starts off with look how cute they is and everybody's like I'll
feed them and bath them and then ye get bored. Before ye know it I'm lookin after these damn Yankee's and I's
got too much tis do.

There's only one thing fer it.......go get me a sack......we gonna put em in a sack, tie the top and throw em
in the creek.

And fer the sake of everything holy put the damn lids on the bins.....geeze before you know it we'll have the whole
Aot hangin around the back door.

I need a drink

_________________
Kind Regards

Col. Grant C. Davey
"The Elephant Brigade"
6th Artillery Battery,
3rd Div, II Corps,
AotM,

"Suh! we have met in Battle, and you Suh!" "Have Seen The Elephant"

Gen Strickler,

I appreciate your humor, but you sure have some yappy puppy dogs underfoot.

Ian Miller
Lt Gen USV

_________________
Ian Miller
bvt Lt Gen USV
3/XVI/AotT

John Wayne was from Iowa. Iowa, bastion of the Union cause. Of a total population of 675,000, about 116,000 men were subjected to military duty. Iowa contributed proportionately more men to Civil War military service than did any other state, north or south, sending more than 75,000 volunteers to the armed forces. Most fought in the great campaigns in the Mississippi Valley and in the South. Iowa troops fought at Wilson's Creek in Missouri, Pea Ridge in Arkansas, Forts Henry and Donelson, Shiloh, Chattanooga, Chickamauga, Missionary Ridge, and Rossville Gap as well as Vicksburg, Iuka, and Corinth. They served with the Army of the Potomoc in Virginia and fought under Union General Philip Sheridan in the Shenandoah Valley.

I love seeing Yankees moving South, too. XVth Corps, time to move South!

We won't be hanging around the back door. We are right here. And I will be glad to buy you a drink. Sam Adams, Leinenkugel, Old Milwaukee, Pabst, perhaps something stronger like a Manhattan?

_________________
Gen. Randy Hartwig
3/3 XVth Corps, AoT

John Wayne was from Iowa, correct. Its hard to call him a Yank though. Many of his most famous roles were as Confederates (The Searchers, and True Grit). I think Wayne is just an "American" through and through. He belongs to us all

Bring on the XVth Corps, sir! We will treat them as we did the Army of the Ohio... the disbanded Army of the Ohio... attrition is a wonderful thing

I will take a Sam Adams, sir!

A Sam Adams from this old Army of the Ohio veteran. Of course the real Army of the Ohio only disbanded in March of 1865 when the fighting was nearly over in the Carolinas. The Army of the Tennessee and the Army of the Ohio chewed a lot of the same terrain, often while engaged with our gallant opponents in the Army of the Mississippi. Of the Army of the Tennessee Confederate General Joe Johnston said "that there had been no such army since the days of Julius Caesar."

_________________
Gen. Randy Hartwig
3/3 XVth Corps, AoT

What is this "surrender" you speak of? I know nothing of it! Me thinks the general has a wee bit too much of the hard stuff. I suggest we get him to bed to sleep it off.

No! Dont put him in the barn with the animals!

Thats right... take the animals out first and then put him in. There is no need to punish the poor animals by placing a Yank in with them.

Gen Strickler has a lawyerly point about surrender - Lee surrendered the remnant of the ANV at Appomattox on parole until exchanged, Johnstone the forces in the Carolinas, Taylor and Stand Watie the forces under their command. These would included partisans, and all those officers and men on wounded furloughs. It would not have included deserters or guerillas because these were not under command, having ceased to be soldiers. Likewise it did not include the civilians. Each of these made their own choice as to whether they took the Oath, for doing so was their own personal surrender. If your great grandpappies surrendered, you did, for the parent's oath binds the child. I had't noticed a great number of people choosing to renounce US citizenship and take up arms, so I assume the surrender is effective in practice. Like me, you accept that the government can only be changed by peaceful means.

Does this bear comparing with the Imperial Japanese forces who, as is taught in schools from Kyushu to Hokkaido, capitulated, but did not surrender?

Yuengling anyone? These days it is brewed in Florida as well as Pottsville, Pa.

Ian Miller
Lt Gen USV
4/3/XV

_________________
Ian Miller
bvt Lt Gen USV
3/XVI/AotT

http://www.imdb.com/rg/action-box-title/primary-photo/media/rm147954944/tt0052902

.....OUR HERO..JOHN WAYNE..

A Union Cavalry outfit is sent behind confederate lines in strength to destroy a rail/supply centre.

The film is based on the true-life raid by Col. Benjamin Grierson who, as shown in the movie, began his expedition--known as Grierson's Raid--from LeGrange, Tennessee, in April of 1863.

....NOW THATS TRUE GRIT....

_________________
Major General Jeffrey McDonald
1st Div, XV Corps
Army of the Tennessee

You would do well to stop giving into Yankee propaganda and review a much finer Wayne movie - The Searchers. Wayne portrays a violent, unreconstructed, bitter ex-Confederate cavalrymen named Ethan Edwards.

Reverend Clayton: When did you get back? Ain't seen you since the surrender. Come to think of it, I didn't see you at the surrender.
Ethan: I don't believe in surrenders. Nope, I've still got my saber, Reverend. Didn't beat it into no plowshare, neither.

Given that Wayne's character does not arrive until 1868 in Texas the real question is where was he from 1865 - 1868? I always chose to believe he had fled to Mexico and fought in the Franco-Mexican War with the French forces (explaining his arrival with freshly minted gold). I have heard others say he may have gone west to continue the war in the style of a Jesse James or Josey Wales.

Surely General, you do not mean to imply that a more representative Confederate is the the "Good Ole Rebel", a violent, embittered man, rather than a "Southern Gentleman" such as Lee or Longstreet, or Sam Watkins, proud of his military record, but now working to heal the breach? The violent Rebel plays into the comedy image of the "moonshine, meth lab and hunring dog" trailer trash.

Ian Miller
Lt Gen USV

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Ian Miller
bvt Lt Gen USV
3/XVI/AotT

Ethan Edwards will make peace with you Yanks when he is ready. You forget he rides into the Yankee camp at the end of the movie without shooting a single one And his comment to the Yankee cavalryman was classic (actually played by his real-life son Patrick Wayne):

"Turn around sonny," the cavalryman turns around for a second confused by the request. "Yeah, thats a Yankee cavalrymen!" Ethan announces.

I shall search for this film.

Thank you for your hospitality, General.

Ian Miller
Lt Gen USV

_________________
Ian Miller
bvt Lt Gen USV
3/XVI/AotT