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Blake
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2025 4:48 pm 
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I decided to download the old Playstation 2 game - History Channel: Civil War. I thought it would be fun just to see how far gaming has come in the last 20 years.

Wow. This game is awful. It is a first-person shooter game which do not translate well at all to the Civil War or any other war before the 20th Century. In the first "mission" I am sent to First Manassas. Where 37,000 Yankees (totally inaccurate) are attacked(?) by Johnston and Beauregard who are "laying in wait." So many things wrong with all of that but whatever. The Confederates are attacking across Stone Bridge (are we?!) against the Union defenders. The Rebel plan is to get behind the Union army and take Washington (is it?).

So then I begin my mission and am given a five-shot Colt Rifle (wasn't aware those were at First Bull Run) and a revolver. I'm also given five hand grenades (who doesn't love to blow up stuff!?). I'm then part of a group of computer animated Confederates who look to all be in their 70s since, apparently, the History Channel decided that Civil War reenactors bore an uncanny resemblance to what soldiers looked like in the actual war. One of them even says, "if we win this battle, the war is ours for the taking!" Who writes this garbage? So me and a geriatric group of Rebels are given the task of capturing Stone Bridge. We tear into those Yanks quite easily as the Reb commander continuously yells the same phrase... over and over... "follow me to glory!" or even "This is from Uncle Robert!" Not at all ahistorical considering it is 1861! :roll:

After taking the bridge, held only by about 10 Yankees and two cannon which, luckily, weren't pointed at the bridge, I then have to return over the Stone Bridge to report to my commander. Stuart is ready to charge! But first, of course, I need to go clear some obstacles in the road. Somehow my commander allows numerous Yankees to fire at me from ten feet away while he stands there and just casually watches (danged officers!). I then run along a road while being shot at by quite a few Yankees over in the tree line. Do I stop and fight them or just keep running? I just keep running. One of the things about these games is that the computer will generate more and more soldiers no matter how many you kill until the objective is taken... then they just vanish!

So I brave a hail of gunfire to reach some sort of "sniper's tower" where a Yankee sniper is taking pot shots at me. This tower, conveniently built on the Confederate side of the river and without any real rationale for being there, creates a headache for me. I am pinned down the same as if he had a MG42 up there. I grow despondent as my health is running out and it looks like Dixie is in trouble. Then, luckily, the sniper either dies of a heart attack or runs out of ammo because he is gone. "Alright!" I say to myself, "let's go!"

I then charge across some sort of farm which resembles a French farmhouse complete with hedgerows, abatis, and trenches. After running that maze I come across a large field with three rows of abatis. Conveniently, each has a barrel of gunpowder in front of them! Honestly, what luck! I then knock out a few Yankee guard and set off each barrel one after the other.

That's it! End of mission. The dramatic voice from the History Channel then tells me that the south has won the battle and that "5,000" Yankees never return home. I thought less than 500 Federals died in the battle but maybe my explosions took out a few thousand extra?

The next mission has me headed westward to Shiloh! Oh what fresh hell will I find there?! I may write a review of each mission as this is arguably the most sadly inaccurate and poorly conceived video game I have played. I mean, can it get any worse at Shiloh? I guess I will find out!

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Karl McEntegart
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2025 8:09 pm 
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A splendid review of a 'disaster' it would appear, sir.

It might also appear that you have far too much time on your hands :lol: :lol: :lol:

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M. Johnson
PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2025 11:30 pm 
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I remember playing this game as a kid and thinking it was cool. I need to go find it at my parents house because I think I still have it. You should play it through just for laughs.

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Blake
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2025 2:38 pm 
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Mission 2: Shiloh

The mission begins with the voiceover talking about the build up to the Battle of Shiloh, "Grant, encamped on an area 42 kilometers wide..." What? Americans don't use kilometers! This writing continues to be awful. Europeans must have made this... geesh. I will look that up at the end.

Ok, then.

My mission? I am to slip behind Union lines before dawn on April 6 and into the "General's Tent" to steal their battle plans (which General is unknown because Grant is at Savannah), I am not sure what battle plans the Federals would have considering they are on the defensive here and have no idea what the next day will bring. I am then to use "only my knife to penetrate to the center of the Union camp" and am supposed to "slit throats" to make my way. Then I am to take out the enemy's "survey balloon" and then destroy their ammo dump.

Right, this is totally realistic. :lol:

So I start out and the very first Yankee I run into I get in trouble. You can't "slit throats" and it takes a few swipes to kill a Yank. By that point the whole enemy camp is awake... or at least the two nearest Federals. The rest carry on as if nothing is happening out there. I pull out my trusty revolver and start banging away. I pick up a Sharps Rifle which helps me clear out the Union encampment in no time. And danged if another large Union tower wasn't constructed for a sharpshooter to perch himself in. Luckily my Sharps took care of him!

Then I came upon the Union balloon labeled the "Intrepid." This balloon must have broken loose from McClellan's army in Virginia and floated to Tennessee because here it is at Shiloh! So I cut the tether and away it floats up into the skies. Easy enough. I am off to the ammo dump.

The ammo dump is "guarded" but I have no problem blowing it up as you might suspect. I then run across three other Johnny Rebs who, for some reason, are just hanging out behind enemy lines. They tell me Jeff Davis is going to give me a medal and we decide to fight our way back to the Confederate lines. 20 dead Union soldiers later and we are miraculously back to our army and saved!

Total Yankees killed = 46
Accuracy = 87% (not bad shooting!)

Looks like I am heading back eastward for the Battle of Antietam next! Wish me luck!

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Quaama
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2025 3:32 pm 
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I've done some work for you.

Although the game was originally published by Cauldron Ltd (USA) it was developed by Activision (Czech.).
It is considered 'abandonware' and seems to be available for free and playable on a computer (one link - https://www.myabandonware.com/game/the-history-channel-civil-war-a-nation-divided-fyq).
I do think it ironic that they label themselves 'History Channel' and in that regard they should probably not use kilometres. Still, the USA is way behind the times as the only countries not using the metric system are USA, Liberia, and Myanmar (https://thefactbase.com/there-are-only-three-countries-in-the-world-that-don-t-use-the-metric-system/).

That's my quart's worth of commentary on that game.

2 pints to the quart; 4 quarts to the gallon; 2 gallons to the peck; 4 pecks to the bushel.
"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers ..."

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Adam Brookes
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2025 4:42 pm 
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Quaama wrote:
I do think it ironic that they label themselves 'History Channel' and in that regard they should probably not use kilometres. Still, the USA is way behind the times as the only countries not using the metric system are USA, Liberia, and Myanmar (https://thefactbase.com/there-are-only-three-countries-in-the-world-that-don-t-use-the-metric-system/).


I'd rather saw off my own right arm than use the metric system. They tried to make us use it in Georgia when I was a kid for the Olympics but as soon as that was over we tore down all the metric signs and put the correct ones back up. People were lost as hell trying to drive around Atlanta.

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Blake
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2025 4:53 pm 
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Mission 3: Antietam.

I had to stop and get a drink of water because I nearly choked to death laughing when the narrator described Lincoln ordering McClellan to stop Lee and then shows you a picture of Burnside. Who produced this garbage?! They then show a battlefield map of Fredericksburg (the town and river are labeled Fredericksburg and everything) and then describe the assaults on the Sunken Road showing Burnside's charge against Lee at Fredericksburg. Seems about par for the course here.

I am playing as "Private William Mervine, artillery spotter for General Toomb's Corps." So many things wrong with this game.... :evil:

My mission this time? To push back Burnside's men after they've crossed the Stone Bridge. According to my officer, again looking like an aged Revolutionary War veteran, we've said our prayers "so let's go!" So cheesy.

This one is pretty straightforward... charge and kill the Yankees along a nice defined trail. I have a six-shot Spencer Carbine. I know what you are thinking, "the Spencer fired seven shots." Well, not in this game, buddy! I've only got six.

The mission makes no historical sense at all but I played it anyways. Eventually I fought my way to "Burnside's Bridge" where the Confederates have a sniper tower (these are everywhere) and six cannons nicely entrenched behind sandbags aimed squarely at the bridge. Taking my post behind the guns (which the Yankees foolishly did not spike), I got to fire the cannon about 20 times to hold off the waves of Yanks coming over the bridge. Silly Yankees! End of mission.

Yanks Killed: 100
Accuracy: 84%

Next Mission is at Chancellorsville. What will I see next? My expectations are very, VERY, low.

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Quaama
PostPosted: Thu Sep 18, 2025 5:38 pm 
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Adam Brookes wrote:
Quaama wrote:
I do think it ironic that they label themselves 'History Channel' and in that regard they should probably not use kilometres. Still, the USA is way behind the times as the only countries not using the metric system are USA, Liberia, and Myanmar (https://thefactbase.com/there-are-only-three-countries-in-the-world-that-don-t-use-the-metric-system/).


I'd rather saw off my own right arm than use the metric system. They tried to make us use it in Georgia when I was a kid for the Olympics but as soon as that was over we tore down all the metric signs and put the correct ones back up. People were lost as hell trying to drive around Atlanta.


LOL. If you go to the L.A. Olympics in 2028 you can get to learn it all over again.
They also used to have all the signs in French and English. One day I went to the cross-country jumping in Sydney 2000 and there were a number of signs posted around the course stating Attention aux serpents (with the English translation below saying 'Beware of serpents'). My mate and I had a good laugh when we saw that, we know there's plenty of snakes in Australia (many highly venomous). The French and English speakers were duly warned; I guess the other visiting nationalities were fair game for the Aussie serpents.

I hope to attend the Olympics again for Brisbane 2032. If I'm out and about attending an outdoor sport I shall know to 'Attention aux serpents'.

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