Napoleonic Wargame Club (NWC)

Gentlemen Officers of the NWC (and the Lovely French Officers Too!):

Our brigade’s graphic artist, The Rat, has introduced to me the idea of a contest based on thoughtful reverie and reflection. It is my proud honor to present this idea to you. Simple in concept, but perhaps profound in its implications, this contest will test your ability to think, hopefully for the humorous benefit of all. The rules of the contest are very simple. Our beloved Rat will place upon this page, sometime later today, one of his fine graphic renderings, accurate of course in every detail and entirely in keeping with the current dispositions of our armies. The graphic will contain a blank balloon emanating from one of the characters so depicted. Our contest would challenge you to fill in the blank as humorously as you can devise to do so. By your actions, you will have a chance to entertain the other officers in the club while showing them how clever you actually are. All officers are invited to participate from both the Coalition and French Armies. If there are any potential recruits who happen to visit our club’s website during the course of this contest, your responses might actually sway them to join the army they deem to be the cleverest in our club.

And now, the first graphic from our fine Hanoverian Rat………………………………….......................................................................................................

Wait for it……………………................................

Mssr Rat you missed the caption. Here it is

'Having completed his conquest of Britain the emperor relaxed in his rocking chair while he admired the new hotel des invalides ‘le Britian’ he had built to replace Buckingham palace.

The British guardsman now in the service of France kept a close eye on the rats who had left the sinking ship previously known as Hanover and now known as Hanovre now one of the numerous and prosperous 'rat free' provinces of the glorious empire of France.

The Rat’s expression said it all. He implored the guardsman for more pay from his old purse holder but the British soldier now under orders from histories greatest General relaxed and ignored him. Such body language was allowed now in Britain where the pompous and exploitive aristocrats had all lost their heads.

The British people were pleased to once again take a French king and enjoy liberty and fraternity.
The merchants of London had mean while run off to the west indies to continue to ply their disgraceful slave trade.'

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Marechal Knox

Prince d'Austerlitz et Comte d'Argentan
Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur

"What is history but a fable agreed upon"

...


So true. So funny.

A most thoughtful reply, General Knox. You have carefully considered many aspects of The Rat's fine rendering. My compliments!

The challenge remains to condense your magnificent thoughts into a single line of text, uttered by your great leader, that will leave all officers of our wonderful club spewing drink upon one another in the uncontrollable laughter that ensues. That it will be to the demise of the Coalition is certain given your fervent belief in the lost, French cause.

You will be pleased to know that your beloved leader, Marechal Bardon, has just succeeded in opening a breach in my defensive lines at Waterloo. I have solicited my partner and mentor, the great Generaal Moss, for an evaluation of the reason this breach came into being. I am certain that the answer will be that it was a result of the utter stupidity of his junior partner which, in this particular case, would happen to be me. I must give you noble French Guardsmen credit for remaining unremitting in your attempts to humble me in front of my senior commanders, although I must admit, humility does not come easily to me.

Telles sont les fortunes capricieux de guerre!

"Napoleon reclines while one of Hanover's finest stands guard over him. Some of the Old Guard came out to bid him farewell. He has become so attached to the horse, which reminds him of a Corsican gal he once dated, that the Royal Navy have agreed to have it shipped to St. Helena."

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Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Prinz Peters von Dennewitz

3. Husaren-Regiment, Reserve-Kavallerie, Preußischen Armee-Korps

Honarary CO of Garde-Ulanen Regiment, Garde-Grenadier Kavallerie

NWC Founding Member

For Club Games: I prefer the Single Phase mode of play. I prefer to play with the following options OFF:

MDF, VP4LC, NRO, MTD, CMR, PR, MIM, NDM, OMR (ver 4.07)

In a voice of Lady Gaga:

"I know You've prevailed...
And I know You've granted it to Hannover...
But it just can't be like this
Any more, Alejandro!"

And after a pause:

"Stop! Please! Just let me go!
Alejandro! Just let me go!"

And a chorus of strong and very much imsober voices from under the dome with immeasurable mirth takes it over:

"Alejandro!... Alejandro!...
Ale-Alejandro!... Ale-Alejandro!..."

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And Napoleon says to his Hanvoerian captor (in the voice of Ghostbuster's actor Rick Moranis):

"....but I want a Date with Kate!"