Napoleonic Wargame Club (NWC)

The Rhine Tavern

*   NWC   NWC Staff   NWC Rules   NWC (DoR) Records   About Us   Send Email Inquiry to NWC

*   La Grande Armée Quartier Général    La Grande Armée Officer Records    Join La Grande Armée

*   Allied Coalition   Allied Officers   Join Coalition

*   Coalition Armies:   Austro-Prussian-Swedish Army   Anglo Allied Army (AAA)   Imperial Russian Army

 

Forums:    ACWGC    CCC     Home:    ACWGC    CCC
It is currently Fri May 09, 2025 10:21 am

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 25 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2012 11:00 pm 
The French courier was confused. Although he had read the delivery orders half a dozen times now, he checked them once again. Deliver the package to GdB M. C. Jones in the Rhine Tavern. The order seemed simple enough when he departed from camp this morning. His consternation started when he laid eyes on the intended recipient. He had expected to find an officer wearing the azure coat associated with the loyal service to the Emperor of France. The coat worn by the officer that he had positively identified and GdB Jones was distinctly scarlet, and the man was a Hanoverian.

“Mon General”, said the French courier, “there must be some mistake.”

“No mistake, mein Herr”, replied the Hanoverian officer, “I am indeed the Jones to which you were instructed to make your delivery. May I have my package now? Your dalliance is keeping me from my duties.”

“Yes, mon General, by all means”, says the courier as he hands over the large box. “It’s just that….well, sir…..I mean I really expected….”

“There, there, Lieutenant”, says the Hanoverian Brigadier, “you have followed your orders to the letter and delivered the package as instructed. No shame in that, sir. Now if you will excuse me….”

“Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. Er, congratulations…..sir.”

The Hanoverian officer returns the salute of the French courier who then turns and exits the Rhine Tavern, seriously worried that he might actually be court martialed for simply following orders.

Captain Phillips grins and asks, “So what do you suppose is in that big box, sir? That French Lieutenant seemed awfully nervous about giving it to you.”

“No doubt it is a lovely bouquet of flowers sent to our beloved commander by Old Boney himself”, quips Captain Clawson. “I’ll bet there is even a love note tucked inside.”

The group of Hanoverian officers chuckle at Die Ratte’s humor.

“Or ze bomb”, says Captain Peccolo. The laughter abruptly stops as all of the officers imperceptibly move a little further away from the Brigadier.

“Actually, it is neither one”, says the Hanoverian Commander as he removes the object from the box. The assembled officers grow wide eyed when they realize that their commander is holding an Old Guard Bearskin in his hands. “Very odd”, says the Hanoverian Brigadier. “Oh, wait, there is a note after all.”

Reaching into the bearskin, the Brigadier retrieves a rolled up piece of parchment. “Ah, of course it is written in French!”

“Allow me”, says Die Ratte as he takes the parchment and begins to read. “Honorable and Esteemed General of France, by order of the Emperor of France, ruler of all countries large and small, deliverer from monarchal tyranny, military genius of all ages, fashionable dresser, master of the manicure…blah, blah, blah….in recognition of your 45 Victory Points earned in glorious combat against our hated enemies and your unswerving devotion in the accumulation of 800 Officer Battle Dossier points, you have hereby been granted……”, Captain Clawson’s voice trails off in silence as he reads the next line. He looks up at his commanding officer with a stunned look on his face.

“Well, what is the rest of the message”, asks Der Falke.

Die Ratte creases his brow and says, “…you have hereby been granted a commission in the Vieille Garde. Congratulations, General Jones. Vive le France! It is signed by Marechal Jensen, Commanding Officer of La Grande Armee.”

“Huh, looks like that French Lieutenant might have been right after all”, says Captain Phillips. “There certainly must be some mistake.”

“Unless there is something he is not telling us”, says Die Ratte.

“I mean you no disrespect, Herr General”, says Der Wurger, “but if you ever find ze notion to place dat fancy rug upon your brow, I vill be required to shooten sie.”

“Ah, that would be most unfortunate, Captain Peccolo”, replies the Hanoverian Brigadier. “Because I, more than any other officer here, fully realize that the odds of a Hanoverian Jager missing his intended target are not very good.”

“Jawohl, mein General”, says Der Wurger, “I vill not miss.”

“So how could this have possibly happened, sir”, asks Die Ratte.

“Well, there is only one explanation that comes to mind”, says the Brigadier. “Remember when Marechal Bardon forged my signature on those French enlistment papers? I’ll bet that information got entered into their system and, with bureaucracy being as it is, the error was never corrected. Next thing you know, I am inducted into the French Old Guard.”

“But what about the letter from Marechal Jensen, sir”, asks Die Falke.

“Obviously a form letter”, replies the Brigadier. “They simply fill in the name. Probably a necessary measure as the turnover rate in their Guard is so high. You understand, bigger targets, easier to hit, and every French officer I know commits the Guard as if they were mere Conscripts.”

“So vhat vill ze do mit the hat, herr General”, asks Der Wurger. “Stand it in a corner and let it collect dust?”

“Hmm, that would certainly not be a very good use for this French trophy”, muses the Brigadier, “but you have given me an idea. I am going to talk to the Brigade’s Smith and see if he can build me something special….”

Six hours later in the Rhine Tavern…..

“Sir, I must say that you are a genius”, says Die Ratte as he removes the cork from a frosty, cold Beer.

“Ja, sehr gut, mein General”, says Der Wurger, “a good idea for sure.”

“A most excellent use of a French implement, I must agree”, says Die Falke.

The Brigadier props his feet up in the adjacent chair, takes a long swig of his ice cold beer, and breaks into a wide grin as Der Wurger begins to sing. Ah, it’s good to be a Hanoverian, he thinks to himself as he raises his own voice in song with the rest of his officers.

Image

Bearskin Beer Cooler


Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 12:12 am 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:11 pm
Posts: 1765
Location: New Zealand
The French general had observed the carry on of the Hanoverians from a place beside the fire where his C.O Marechal Bardon was reclining enjoying his usual spot. The officer seemed a little amused by this carry on :mrgreen: but he quickly assumed a more serious look and removed his Colpack carefully avoiding damaging it's colourful and prominent plumage.

He placed the furry hat on a table and took out his sword. He waved it above the hat and spoke a few words not quite discernable to the crowd. He then reached inside the hat a produced a bottle of JagerMeister.

With that he turned to the Hanoverians.

'I'll wager this rather sort after peasant drink that the bearskin is fake and not taken from a member of the Veille Guard.
After all we French are renowned for our big members and the thought of a Hanoverian grabbing one of them makes me feel rather ill.'

With that he raised his glass of Margaux 'Gentlemen the Hanoverians, Salute!'

_________________
Marechal Knox

Prince d'Austerlitz et Comte d'Argentan
Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur

"What is history but a fable agreed upon"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:53 am 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2002 9:01 am
Posts: 1411
Location: USA
What's that? Are the French on again about the size of their members? :roll: I'll tell you what's true eh, the greater the braggadocio the more minuscule the member.

We Allies on the other hand are a silent and stoic lot.
Except of course for those Hanovarians. :wink:

_________________
Field Marshal Sir Edward Blackburn, 1st Duke of Aberdeen K.G.
85th (Buck's Light Volunteers) Regiment of Foot
16th British Brigade
7th Division
III (Peninsular) Corps
2nd Battalion, Coldstream Regiment of Foot Guards

I DON'T PLAY WITH ROUT LIMITING OR NME OFF


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 7:08 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2011 6:01 pm
Posts: 1425
Quote:
We Allies on the other hand are a silent and stoic lot.


Maybe in an alternate universe!


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 7:15 pm 
Cute story and all, now what's the real-life background story that inspired this little tale? Did you get an e-mail in err, Mark?


Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:27 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Dec 20, 2002 9:01 am
Posts: 1411
Location: USA
Al Kling wrote:
Quote:
We Allies on the other hand are a silent and stoic lot.


Maybe in an alternate universe!


Well not counting the Hanovarians of course, and then the Prussians are a bit windy. :D :lol:

_________________
Field Marshal Sir Edward Blackburn, 1st Duke of Aberdeen K.G.
85th (Buck's Light Volunteers) Regiment of Foot
16th British Brigade
7th Division
III (Peninsular) Corps
2nd Battalion, Coldstream Regiment of Foot Guards

I DON'T PLAY WITH ROUT LIMITING OR NME OFF


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:53 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2001 5:57 pm
Posts: 842
Location: Massachusetts, USA
After sitting by the fire, taking in the Hanoverian sideshow du jour, the grognard stood up and joined Gen. Knox. "So, I see the good Brigadier has started sending himself presents."

Looking down at the cheap imitation bearskin, the Marechal casually remarked, "You know, it wouldn't surprise me if the allies tried to re-outfit one of their guard units in these one day. Can you just imagine it, some minor regiment like the coldstream's parading about in these? I bet they'd even try to claim that it is worn in recognition of some grand triumph, as if such a thing could ever occur." :P

_________________
Marechal Jeff Bardon
Duc de Castiglione et Prince de Wagram
Commandant de la Garde Imperiale


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 9:16 pm 
The Hanoverian Brigadier grins at the Vieille Garde Commander, "I honestly cannot claim to know anything about the Coldstream Guard and their victories, although I am sure that Generaal Moss could educate you in that specific area. I can attest, however, to the authenticity of the bearskin we used in the fabrication of our latest beer cooler. You see”, says the Brigadier as he sets his beer bottle on the table and reaches down into the ice contained in the bearskin, “it says so right on the label.” The Brigadier pulls a small label above the level of the ice so that the Marechal of France can read it. “It reads Made in France. Of course, even I know that is not the real test of an authentic, French bearskin”, he says as he reaches below the ice once again to retrieve a much longer label that is sewn into the lining of the hat. “This is the true test of an authentic, French bearskin. It is a continuation of the former label which reads “With Components Stolen from Austria, Prussia, Russia, Egypt, Spain, Portugal, Italy, …………:o :shock: :wink:

“I must say though”, continues the Hanoverian Brigadier as he picks up his beer and points the open neck toward the table of the Triumvarite of France, “that Jagermeister producing Colpack of General Knox might just be a prize worth fighting for as well. Of course, your Bearskin would also have to be on that list, not to mention your Marechal’s Baton.” :o :P :mrgreen:


Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:51 pm 
Offline

Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2001 2:48 am
Posts: 1203
Location: Charlotte NC
I am just thinking out loud...
We are living in the 1st quarter of the 19th century... The beer is not supposed to be cold in our Napoleonic age :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beer#Temperature

_________________
Général David Guegan

3ème Régiment de Grenadiers - Bataillon d'élite du 3ème Légère
2ème Brigade
Grenadiers de la Réserve
Réserve
La Grande Armée
--------------------------
"From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step."
Napoléon Bonaparte

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:30 pm 
Offline

Joined: Wed Jul 25, 2012 8:05 am
Posts: 6
Never let facts get in the way of a good story.

....and that was a whopper :D

_________________
Image

Sekondlieutenant Zachary Nelson
5. Dragoner-Regiment (Brandenburgisches-Prinz Wilhelm)
1. Kavallerie-Brigade
Reserve-Kavallerie-I. Armee-Korps
I. Armee-Korps
Königlich Preußische Armee am Niederrhein


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:43 pm 
Offline

Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2006 4:11 pm
Posts: 1765
Location: New Zealand
Dear Brigand Jones I must say this time you are most witty :mrgreen:. :mrgreen: :lol:

However sir my Colpack with resident plumage is not for sale. I would consider a trade for this peasant drink Jagermeister though. Margaux of course.

_________________
Marechal Knox

Prince d'Austerlitz et Comte d'Argentan
Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur

"What is history but a fable agreed upon"


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 8:16 am 
[quote="davidguegan"]I am just thinking out loud...
We are living in the 1st quarter of the 19th century... The beer is not supposed to be cold in our Napoleonic age :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

“True enough, General Guegan, but even Marechal Bardon has complained about warm beer in the past. It would seem that both the Hanoverians and the Commander of the Vieille Garde are notably ahead of their time in this particular regard. Besides, when have you ever known me to follow all of the rules?”

“My dear General Knox, I knew that your Colpack was not for sale. Such a marvelous item could only be compelled from your grasp by the terms of an Unconditional Surrender, and that is not a circumstance with which you are very familiar, well, at least not from the surrendering side that is. I will certainly trade you a bottle of Margaux for that fine, German libation of conflagration.”

“And Marechal Bardon”, says the Hanoverian Brigadier as he retrieves an icy cold bottle of ale from the cooler, “can I interest you in a frosty, cold one for the road?”


Top
  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2012 6:15 pm 
Offline

Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2001 5:57 pm
Posts: 842
Location: Massachusetts, USA
Brigadier Jones, certainly, a nice cold refreshing beverage would hit the spot.

However, I still refuse to believe that the hat/cooler in your possesion is the genuine article. It does seem a bit odd that the tag you showed was written in English. :oops:

Secondly, the French high command does not make mistakes in assigning command in la Garde. Marechal Peterson sees to that.

Third, I would never forge your signature. Have Helga send copious amounts of jagermeister to your table and place questionable requisition forms and other items in your pile of paperwork, absolutely. :D But outright forgery, never. :evil:

By the way, the baton is a symbol, very nice and all that, but nothing more, however should you wish to attempt to claim it, you are always welcome to lose another sword.

_________________
Marechal Jeff Bardon
Duc de Castiglione et Prince de Wagram
Commandant de la Garde Imperiale


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Thu Aug 02, 2012 9:59 pm 
Offline

Joined: Tue Feb 14, 2012 6:38 pm
Posts: 186
"Ahhhhh, das ist der stuff mein General!" cooed Der Wurger as he grabbed another frosty cold one from Der Kooler.

"Der only thing das kan make this besser ist ein Lied!!" :D :D

Oh yes, laddies, its time for a fraternal sing along.....

Heute wollen wir marschier'n, einen neuen Marsch probier'n,
in dem schonen Westerwald ja, da pfeift der Wind so Kalt.
Oh, du schoner Westerwald!
Uber deine Hohen pfeift der Wind so Kalt,
jedoch der kleinste Sonnenschein dringst tief ins Herz hinein. :D :D


"Eins, zwei, drei, G'suffa!!!!" :shock: :D :D

_________________
Image
Image


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
PostPosted: Fri Aug 03, 2012 12:28 pm 
Offline
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 02, 2007 6:34 am
Posts: 3603
Location: Republic of Galveston Texas USA
After one week of recovery after being beat by General Jones of the the HMS Gd Dragoons I thought to return to the Tavern. As I approached the place I notice a lot of Prussi laughing. They looked at me in amazement “I thought to myself have they never seen a Mulatto officer in the French service with long hair”? What seems to be the problem I thought”! As I pass one of them he said” he's fancy one ya”! Then I saw it one of the greatest prizes of the war. “ Nay it can’t be a fur bonnet of the Imperial Guard with a cheap wine bottle in it”! My God what has become of the once proud Grand Armee this is the greatest insult I ever saw. Time to bring my gators in this place and clean it out! Wait till they taste the gun power of the III Corps Polish Artillery their well be British Dragoons hamlets and Scott bonnets and kilts and bagpipes with cheap Prussi beer in them hanging from the bar rail.


Top
 Profile  
Reply with quote  
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 25 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 45 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
cron
POWERED_BY
Localized by Maël Soucaze © 2010 phpBB.fr