My Dear Ensign Lopezgallo:
Not being quite as reserved as my good friend, Chef Schmidgall, I will indeed wish you all the luck in the world in your struggle with the good Marechal Johnson. A Marechal's baton is a very handy thing to have, sir, particularly when visiting the roach infested camps of our enemies. Properly employed, the Blue Bug Mashers of France wreak wonderful carnage on the scuttling masses of insects.
I would, however, warn you to be careful of employing these novel devices for their obviously intended purpose when in the presence of General Knox. It grieves him to no end to see a Marechal’s baton expertly wielded by a Coalition officer. Why once, even in the Rhine Tavern, he tried to shoot me dead for killing cockroaches with a Marechal’s baton. The good general is a masterful cavalry officer, and quite likely the most deadly officer in La Grande Armee when mounted and armed with a sword. He is, however, a rather abysmal shot with a rifle as, in my case at least, he missed a stationary target at a distance of about five paces. He missed so badly in fact, that the bullet shattered the baton that I was wielding at the time. Most nearly took my hand off, he did. Although his aim with a rifle would probably not be of any danger to your person, we must always need consider the welfare of innocent women and children in the area of such a discharge. There is simply no telling where the bullet might land. No my brave Ensign, it is probably best not to provoke the great French General in the first place. I know that I certainly try to always live by this policy myself.
