Napoleonic Wargame Club (NWC)

"Helga, where is my boot polish! I left it there at my favorite table. What! Who is that sitting there? Herr Peterson! What is that scoundrel doing with my boot polish! Painting the walls with it? I shall give him the backside of my saber for such conduct! Herr Peterson, go find your own boot polish! What? Napoleon is rationing boot polish in the French army! Well I guess I can expect that! Perfume too! Say it's not so! How will you French survive!"

During the course of the conversation another French officer swaggers in. He is none other than Herr Bardon, lately in from the wars and looking tired. He relates that an Austrian officer has bested him on the field of battle!

"Herr Bardon, why the glum look?"

"The Austrians dismantled my army. Never thought it could happen!"

"Who was fine officer that did this?"

"Herr McClellan! The fiend. I shall get him"

"Ha, your loss has heartened every sausage seller in Vienna! Now you will find out what true German patriotism is all about! You French imitators with your courtly titles know nothing about how a true nobleman behaves!"

With a shrug Herr Bardon sits down near Herr Peterson.

"What are you doing with the boot polish Guillaume?"

"Drawing pictures of Mon. Ludwig! The fiend thinks he can best me at Waterloo and noone has."

"Ah yes, Mon. Ludwig. Where is that scalawag?"

At this time our glorious commander steps into the room. His uniform is soiled from a hard ride. He swaggers into the room ignoring the Frenchies at my table. "Herr Peters, what a surprise! And such a nice looking Prussian uniform on you. What a pleasant change!"

"Yes, the old French one I wore just never seemed to fit. And as usual there was always a rationing of cloth in France because Le Turdo closed the ports. He has even Josephine in a rage."

"Yes, those Frenchies, never seem to learn that Britannia rules the waves, and the hearts of the French tarts and tartesses!"

I laugh out loud at his humor! "Yes, what can you expect from the French but horror at the idea that their foreign delicacies have been cut off. Such a stupid maneuver by L'Emperor."

"Say, who are those two gentleman gathered over by the wall, and at your table no less."

"Oh those men are the infamous Herr Peterson and Herr Bardon. Lately come in from their defeats at our hands."

"I thought I recognized Herr Bardon. But at YOUR table? Why have you not run them through?"

"I felt sorry for them. And Herr Peterson using my boot polish no less. At first I thought to draw my saber and run him through. Then I heard his lame excuse and figured that with such terrible straights in France that one bottle of boot polish for such a sad fellow was the least I could do for my fellow man."

"Well that surely is kind of you, Herr Peters, but the scoundrel doesn't deserve it."

"Yes, tis true, but when I think of him as a young lad in our home, his mother taking such gentle care of him and then his tirade about Liberty, Fraternity and all that and how it captured him and changed him from a kind young man with manners into this .. this scoundrel. Well I had no choice. His mother and I know that some day he will return to home and quit his Revolutionary ways."

The lights were still flickering in the RT as more men came in from the war. So many men gone. Where was Herr Maunsel, Herr Muddy?

A loneliness came over me. Ah, such were the days of the RT. But what is this? Herr Jones of the Dutch-Belgian army has arrived! Ah yes, there is much room for improvement but from what we have seen of him perhaps it has arrived!

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Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Prinz Peters von Dennewitz

3. Husaren-Regiment, Reserve-Kavallerie, Preußischen Armee-Korps

Honarary CO of Garde-Ulanen Regiment, Garde-Grenadier Kavallerie

NWC Founding Member

For Club Games: I prefer the Single Phase mode of play. I prefer to play with the following options OFF:

MDF, VP4LC, NRO, MTD, CMR, PR, MIM, NDM, OMR (ver 4.07)

A Hanoverian Major dismounts his horse and strides toward the tavern’s entrance, brushing the dirt from his newly acquired, red coat. Upon entering the establishment, he quickly scans the crowd of officers for familiar faces. His attention is immediately drawn to an animated conversation between the Commander of the Prussian Army, Feldmarshall Ludwig, and one of his senior officers. The outspoken Feldmarshall seems to be encouraging his subordinate to skewer some French sod over some obscure offense. Well, one thing you must say for the good Feldmarshall, he is nothing if not zealous.

As he draws near to their table, the Major suddenly recognizes the second Prussian officer to be none other than the Prussian Army’s newest recruit, Oberst Peters. “Well, I see that Helga has not yet raised the standards as to who she allows into the tavern. Always a pleasure to see you Herr Ludwig! And I must admit, Herr Peters, I failed to immediately recognize you in your new uniform. Of course, many still have the same problem with me and this red coat. A vibrant color I must admit, but it does tend to make me a bit more conspicuous. It certainly lacks the camouflage value of Jager green. I must honestly tell you though, that as a Jager rifleman, I did develop a certain fondness for the garish dress of the French Mamelukes. They were so well defined against the background, that you could shoot one from his horse twenty-five meters farther than any of the other French cavalrymen.”

“Hey, have either of you seen the good French Colonel Russo lately? Lt. Generaal Bijl has left me strict orders to engage that good officer on the field of battle for the honor of our army. I have been riding for two days now, and have located neither hide nor hair of the Frenchman. I do hope he is not avoiding me. It is not my habit to disobey the orders of my superiors, and besides, fighting Frenchmen is something I enjoy; rather a lot of fun actually.”

“I do not know if either of you has yet had a chance to meet the officer who assumed the command of my old Jager company. His name is Ensign Scott Reed. He is a promising young lad. Now if I can only manage to nurture him along before the French vultures pounce upon him as they are wont to do to any they deem inexperienced. I have asked my old Sergeant Major to keep a protective eye on him until he has time to realize his latent talents. Oh, speaking of Sergeant Majors…” Reaching into his belt, the Major produces an intricately carved, short blue staff...”you were formerly a French officer. My Sergeant Major retrieved this from a field of battle as the French were routing back to Paris. It bears an inscription which I have had no luck in deciphering. I intend to give it to my fellow officer in the battle, Generaal Moss, when I can find him, but his various duties do seem to keep him rather busy. I would greatly appreciate it if you could shed some light on this object, Herr Peters, so that I will at least appear competent when I present it to Generaal Moss.”

As Oberst Peters inspects the strange object, the Major takes a moment to once again glance around the room. His gaze is captured by a pair of French officers sitting alone at a table near the wall. One appears rather tired and depressed. The other… “Herr Peters, isn’t that the table at which you used to regularly sit? What in the devil is that Frenchman doing with that bottle of boot polish?”

"Ah, Herr Jones! So good to see you. Yes, it is sad, with all of Europe in his grasp, Buonaparte, the Corsican Roach, has found that life without English trade can be very difficult indeed! Herr Peterson now must resort to stealing in order to polish his boots. His portrait of our glorious leader will certainly earn him a skewering!"

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Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Prinz Peters von Dennewitz

3. Husaren-Regiment, Reserve-Kavallerie, Preußischen Armee-Korps

Honarary CO of Garde-Ulanen Regiment, Garde-Grenadier Kavallerie

NWC Founding Member

For Club Games: I prefer the Single Phase mode of play. I prefer to play with the following options OFF:

MDF, VP4LC, NRO, MTD, CMR, PR, MIM, NDM, OMR (ver 4.07)

“Well, I must admit, his work does bear some resemblance to the good Feldmarshall Ludwig. That pose with the sword outthrust certainly is in keeping with Herr Ludwig’s martial bearing and outspoken nature, but what is that he is now painting in the left hand. It rather resembles a beer stein I think. And those objects he is placing along the blade from tip to guard look like.........sausages!”

The Major cautions a glance at the redoubtable Feldmarshall, only to find that he has taken a keen interest in the French Objet d’Art held by Oberst Peters and is temporarily distracted from Herr Peterson’s rendering.

{Whew!, thinks the Major, At least Herr Ludwig’s attention lies elsewhere at the moment. I am not certain that even the combined effort of Herr Peters and me could prevent Alte Vorwarts from impaling that poor French officer once he spies the caricature of himself. At best perhaps we could delay him long enough for the wretched French sod to flee for his life. After all, we would not want to leave that kind of mess in here for poor Helga to clean up.}

“Helga, a lemonade for Oberst Peters if you will and a stein of your best German beer for the good Feldmarshall here. As for me, I will have my usual.”

The Generalquartiermeister der Preußischen Armee General der Infanterie Scott Kronprinz "Vorwärts" Ludwig von Preußen looks at Oberst Peters' object and wonders if it is a Marshal Baton? "Hm kind of looks blue, but what does that inscription say? Something about the way to the bathroom is found via the doghouse?" These French make no sense...

Just then Alte Vorwärts sees the French Marshal drawing on the wall...Major Jones becomes nervous....but Alte Vorwärts smiles and says to the Marshal, "That's not how you draw a beer stein you fool...let me show you!"

*********************************************

Subnotes: Herr Peters has his unit assignment in his box now.

Two other points, I am not a Field Marshall nor am I the Commander of the Prussian Army....merely the loudest nut in the room for Prussia!

But I do take great pride in my recruitment...speaking of which....do you all know what time it is!!

_________________
Generalfeldmarschall Scott Kronprinz "Vorwärts" Ludwig von Preußen
Kommandeur des Königlich-Preußischen Armee-Korps
Chief of Staff (CoS) of the Allied Coalition
Allied Coalition Webmaster & Club Website Support

As General Ludwig rises from the table, Major Jones catches a glimpse of movement on the floor near the General’s chair. Without hesitation, the good Major snatches the French object from Oberst Peters grasp and forcefully strikes it on the floor, smashing the large cockroach that was scuttling toward General Ludwig.

“Well, what do you know?” says the Major. “This thing actually does serve a useful purpose. The bees carved along its length make sense now. This is a Big Blue French Bug Masher! I believe I even understand the general meaning of the inscription as well. Terror Belli must refer to making war on bugs and decus pacis probably has something to do with the number of pieces into which you can mash them. Amazing! I wonder why they only give these to the Marshalls?”

Suddenly realizing that his quick actions have made him the center of attention, Major Jones draws himself to attention as he solemnly removes his hat and places it over his heart. Looking around the tavern he says, “Attention all you French officers! A moment of silence is in order.” He turns his gaze back to the shattered carapace of the dead insect. “It would seem that one of your good comrades has met an untimely demise.”

I observe there is a lot of talk at this table sirs. For one I can assure Major Janes that the most recent bug crushing is occuring in the turn I am about to send him . As for Oberst Peters your betrayal of the cause of liberty and equality is only matched by our pleasure that an officer with such a poor winning record joins the army that this sits well with.

_________________
Marechal Knox

Prince d'Austerlitz et Comte d'Argentan
Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur

"What is history but a fable agreed upon"

Depends upon your vantage point. I was losing as a French officer! I can only go up from there!

_________________


Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Prinz Peters von Dennewitz

3. Husaren-Regiment, Reserve-Kavallerie, Preußischen Armee-Korps

Honarary CO of Garde-Ulanen Regiment, Garde-Grenadier Kavallerie

NWC Founding Member

For Club Games: I prefer the Single Phase mode of play. I prefer to play with the following options OFF:

MDF, VP4LC, NRO, MTD, CMR, PR, MIM, NDM, OMR (ver 4.07)

Ha! Many thanks for the humor, Herr Peters, though I fear someone may have tampered with your customary lemonade.

The Austrians? Really? I mean, come on, the Austrians? As if such a thing could ever occur.

Almost as funny as their Germanic cousins from outside the confederation.

Cheers!

_________________
Marechal Jeff Bardon
Duc de Castiglione et Prince de Wagram
Commandant de la Garde Imperiale

Hi Jeff! How about those Patriots!

Go Jets!

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Generalfeldmarschall Wilhelm Prinz Peters von Dennewitz

3. Husaren-Regiment, Reserve-Kavallerie, Preußischen Armee-Korps

Honarary CO of Garde-Ulanen Regiment, Garde-Grenadier Kavallerie

NWC Founding Member

For Club Games: I prefer the Single Phase mode of play. I prefer to play with the following options OFF:

MDF, VP4LC, NRO, MTD, CMR, PR, MIM, NDM, OMR (ver 4.07)

My dear GdB Knox, I have no doubt that you are currently wreaking havoc with my poor men. You are, after all, greatly renowned for being one of the best bug crushers in La Grande Armee.

As usual, I will have to sort out the mess as best I can upon the completion of your current turn.

<Salute>

Major Jones Marechal Bardon commander of the Emperor's sacred band has joined us at this table. He deserves your respect sir. Next time you need your bugs crushed I suggest you challenge him as well!!

_________________
Marechal Knox

Prince d'Austerlitz et Comte d'Argentan
Ordre national de la Légion d'honneur

"What is history but a fable agreed upon"

Yes, although he does not know me, except perhaps for my rantings in this Forum, I am very well aware of Marechal Bardon's reputation as an extraordinarily talented commander. There are some others beside the two of you as well. <Salute>

I am certain that I still have some punishing lessons to be learned by your hand, but it has always been my intention to seek out the best officers La Grande Armee has to offer. As long as one can maintain one's mental confidence, it provides the most wonderful opportunity to improve and master one's play. As you know from our Austerlitz battle, I am not an officer who is easily shattered although I must truthfully admit that, in watching some of your Battle Replays against me, I have certainly had my share of OMG moments!

I believe the actual message I relayed to Generaal Moss at the time was "Holy Crap!!!" His response, tender and caring as he is, was "Well, live and learn actually." After which, I simply tightened my boot straps and waded back into the fray thinking, "Yeah, this is going to hurt, probably a lot, but there is simply nothing for it." I am nothing if not a product of the RMA and the Andy Moss School of Tough Love, but the method does seem to actually work in my particular case. Of course, there is also the Colin Knox School of Mass Destruction. Many good lessons there as well.

General Knox, my thanks. Now let me buy you a drink or two, and you can tell me how the All Blacks will fare in the World Cup later this year.

As to the good Major, I salute you as well. Well met, sir. While we are acquainted only in passing at this fine establishment, I look forward to both future conversations and contests.

Cheers!

_________________
Marechal Jeff Bardon
Duc de Castiglione et Prince de Wagram
Commandant de la Garde Imperiale