Napoleonic Wargame Club (NWC)

OK, so admittedly this may not be the most honorable course of action for an Officer of the Crown, but I thought it was PDF. It is, after all, my duty to expound upon, and exploit, all of the various weaknesses of the sworn enemies of my beloved king....

The French heavy cavalry officer was the very picture of martial splendor. Adorned in his white breeches, blue coat, shining steel cuirass, his helmet pulled down just above his eyes, horse hairs streaming down his back. Although a bit shorter in stature than some of his intimidating companions, this officer exudes an air of confident command that is reflected in the steady gaze of his azure, blue eyes. Silently he stands in the dusky wooded lane, leaning against the side of a supply wagon, his trusty steed tied nearby, as if patiently waiting for something.

After a short while, a lone French officer comes walking down the road. At his approach, the Cuirassier stirs, his visage brightening immediately as he recognizes a fellow comrade in arms. “Good evening, mon ami”, says the cavalryman. “You look quite tired and weary from your march. Perhaps you could use a bit of rest, no?”

“Greetings to you, messier. I am indeed a bit weary. I have been walking many miles, tracking a group of mercenary Germans that managed to evade a trap set by some of our fine men of the Emperor’s Legere. You have not seen any sign of enemy activities have you?”

“No, mon ami. I know nothing about an enemy presence, but I thank you for the warning. If they are unfortunate enough to cross my path, my valiant steed and I will be sure to put a rapid end to their nefarious existence”, replies the cavalryman. “In the meantime, mon ami, I would like to invite you to take a few moments of pleasure. You see, inside this wagon is a most beautiful woman, and she is decidedly in the mood for the love of a brave warrior of France such as yourself!”

The French infantry officer’s mood immediately brightens at the suggestion of a brief, romantic interlude. After all, there is nothing better than being in the Emperor’s service, except for the love of a beautiful woman. “Tres bien, mon ami!”, he exclaims as he eagerly approaches the back of the wagon.

“Pardon, messier,” says the cavalryman as he places a firm hand on his fellow officer’s arm. “Are you not forgetting something?”

“Ah, yes”, replies the infantryman. “You will, of course, require some type of payment.”

The cavalryman laughs at the suggestion. “Payment? Why, of course not. Do not be absurd. Every Frenchman is entitled to the love of a beautiful woman. You are my brother in arms. To demand payment from a fellow officer would be wrong indeed. No, mon ami, I was referring to your hat. It is proper to remove it before you enter into the presence of a beautiful woman.”

The infantryman blushes, “But, of course, messier. That would only be proper.” Doffing his shako, the French infantry officer carefully parts the curtains to have a look inside the wagon. “Ooh lah lah!” he exclaims at the sight of the voluptuous blond haired beauty that greets his eyes.

Mesmerized by this ravishing creature, the French officer fails to notice that the cavalryman has quietly stepped behind him, withdrawing a blackjack from his sleeve as he does so.

Thawap!!!

The cavalryman catches the unconscious infantry officer as he slowly slumps to the ground. Almost immediately, the bushes at the side of the road begin to rustle as a green coated Hanoverian Jager emerges from his hiding place in the underbrush. Taking the unconscious man, he looks at the cavalryman and says, ‘Colonel, are you sure this is alright?”

“What do you mean, Ensign Peccolo”, ask his Hanoverian Commander.

“Well, I mean you are dressed in a French uniform”, continues the young Jager Ensign. “Won’t you be shot as a spy or something if you are caught?”

“Nonsense”, replies the Hanoverian Colonel. “This uniform was bestowed on me by a high ranking officer of the Imperial Guard. Besides, if I could get it off, I would, but I think the clever devil actually welded it into place. As soon as I can manage to locate a cutting torch, or perhaps a very good can opener, I will free myself from this infernal, steel shell. In the meantime, it is my duty to make the very best use of it for my country that I can. As they say Ensign, all is fair in love and war.”

“Yes, sir. I am still learning Colonel”, says the Jager Ensign as he drags the unconscious officer back into the cover of the surrounding foliage.

With the infinite patience of a hunter, the Hanoverian Colonel resumes his post at the corner of the wagon. Before long, another lone French officer approaches….

“Ooh lah lah!”

Thwap!!!

I thought you were a funny Hanoverian Colonel, but sadly I was very very wrong!

Oh no, Al. I am a very dangerous and sneaky Hanoverian Colonel, who will resort to any means possible to dethrone the Corsican Imp so that I may replace him in the seat of all power. Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

I was thinking about this today, and remembered the following two scenes from an old, American Western:

Scene #1:

A cowboy is walking toward another cowboy, holstering his smoking pistol as he travels. The second cowboy stares at him incredulously and says, “You shot him in the back”. Never breaking stride, the first cowboy replies, “Yeah”. The second cowboy is still standing there slack jawed and repeats, “You shot him in the back!” The first cowboy glances back at a the body of his recent victim and replies, “Yeah, so?” The second cowboy gets animated now and says, “Why did you shoot him in the back?!” to which the first cowboy calmly replies, “Because that was what was facing me.”

Scene #2:

Two cowboys are squared off facing each other in a fighting crouch, both armed with long, sharp hunting knives. The smaller of the two suddenly says to his much larger opponent, “Wait a minute. Before we do this, we need to discuss the rules.” Taken completely by surprise at this statement, the larger man straightens and extends both hands to his side in amazement as he indignantly says, “This is a knife fight. Their ain’t no stinkin’ rules in a knife fight!” Seizing his momentary advantage, the smaller cowboy rears back and cold cocks the larger man with a single punch to the jaw. Kicking the knife safely away from his now prostrate and unconscious opponent, the smaller cowboy looks down upon him and says, “Exactly!”

I think if Napoleon Bonaparte were alive today, he would wholeheartedly support the two scenes from American cinematography as well as my posting above. After all, I have been told that in some of the older versions of our games, it is possible to capture an entire enemy staff corps with a single supply wagon, if they are so careless as to forgo their escorts. My post above simply demonstrates one method by which this might have possibly been accomplished. Remember, gentlemen, it is your duty in these games to protect your officers and supply lines. Your opponent, if he is capable, will certainly not do that for you. To the contrary, he should always be actively seeking to take advantage of your indiscretions.

Hey I liked the cowboy stories! I was always the little guy so it works for me!

Ok, so your a funny guy, but tricky and yes so was my beloved Emperor!

I don't recognize the 'shot in the back' scene, but the knife fight is from one of my favorite movies, "Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid".
Yes, the L'Empereur would use any and all means necessary & available.
There is another quote from Napoleon, "It is a principle of war that when thunderbolts are available, they should be used in the place of cannon."

Yes, I am very well aware of that particular quote. I served as a French officer in HMGS far longer than I have been an Allied officer in the NWC. As such, I am very well acquainted with the principles of Napoleon.

Yes and I am sure although a brave Hanoverian you may be, I am sure the Emperor is the Nightmare that keeps you up nights!

Well, to be absolutely truthful, the Corsican Roach does keep me up some nights. You see, I have this steadily recurring dream of placing the sights of my fine Hanoverian rifle right between his eyes, and gently squeezing the trigger to ensure the highest level of accuracy. Over and over and over again I practice this shot, which does make it difficult to obtain a measurable degree of rest at times.

One shot; one kill. This is the way of the Hanoverian Field Jagers.

Yes on the nightmare, but come on now we know you just do not shoot that good!

Wanna bet?

My only reply to this is that your last comment was the shortest one I have ever seen you post.
Battle On!

Now that was funny!!!