Napoleonic Wargame Club (NWC)

The Major General’s head hurt. It was not the kind of pain that must be endured after a hard night’s drinking. The Hanoverian officer had long grown accustomed to that. It was not exactly the kind of pain that was the inevitable result of a hard day’s fighting with shells exploding all around either, but it was rather similar to that. The General’s head hurt in the manner that resulted from enduring two hours of tortuous lecture by his esteemed Army Commander on the proper method by which his duties should be discharged. Fortunately, his dressing down was now coming to an end.

“Are we clear, General Jones” asked the Commander in Chief of the Anglo-Allied Army as he locked his Chief of Staff in his steady, penetrating gaze.

“Yes, sir” replied the Hanoverian officer. “Explicitly clear, sir.”

“Very well, General” said Generaal Bijl. “See to your duties, sir. You are dismissed.”

Finally! thought the Major General as he snapped a smart salute and exited the army’s command tent.

Walking to his horse, he was handed the reins by a Hanoverian Lieutenant known as “The Rat” who said, “You were in there a long time, sir. Mind if I ask what that was all about?”

“Certainly you may ask”, said the Major General as he swung himself up into the saddle of his Hanoverian stallion. “It was about you.”

“Me, sir”, exclaimed the Lieutenant as he swung into the saddle of his own mount. “Generaal Bijl wanted to see you for two hours……about me?”

“Yep”, replied the Hanoverian Commander as he spurred his mount onto the road. “It would seem that Generaal Bijl somehow received word that one of my officers ‘had not always agreed with everything I proposed’ and took it upon himself to follow my orders only when it suited him to do so. As a result, Generaal Bijl thought it prudent to quote every single word of our army regulations to me concerning discipline and the importance of the proper maintenance of the chain of command, and he was not bashful in the least about repeating himself. It was not what I would call an extremely pleasant two hours.”

“Better you than me, sir”, chuckled the Lieutenant.

“Oh, so you think my misery is funny, do you? Let me tell you what is funny, Sir Rat” grinned the Major General to his bemused Lieutenant. “The next time you choose to engage in such sedition at my expense, I am going to see to it that you are promoted.”

“Promoted, Herr Jager” asked the perplexed Lieutenant.

“Yes, Sir Rat, promoted”, replied his commanding officer. “And I am also going to see that you are given your own independent command.”

“An independent command, for me sir!” grinned the Hanoverian Lieutenant. “Really sir?”

“Yep”, replied the Major General, “in the very largest cavalry unit I can find.”

It was really good!

I really like it when the Hanoverians pick on themselves and each other, but he shot the horse or is upset because he misses General Bijl.

Laugh On....

Maybe the horse has announced a protest against English cuisine enriched continental element - a kitchen with Hanover?

“Yes, Sir Rat, you certainly have”, said the Major General to his innovative Lieutenant as he took a closer look at the proffered horse. “I believe you have outdone yourself this time. That certainly is a fine animal. A very fine an…i…..mal………..indeed….”

Although barely perceptible to the untrained eye, ‘The Hanoverian Rat’ had enjoyed a long relationship with his commanding officer. As such, he was more adept than any at spotting miniscule details that would give him insight into what his commander was truly thinking. In this particular instance, he noticed the slightest alteration in the color of his commander’s visage. Not the influx of color that precedes a dressing down, but more in line with the draining of color than indicates real danger.

“Ah…um”, said the Major General as he cleared his throat and pursed his lips. “Sir Rat, might I be too forward in asking exactly where it was that you acquired this truly magnificent animal?”

“Why certainly, Herr Jager”, replied the veteran Lieutenant. “It was tied up beside a tent near the middle of camp.”

“That would not by any odd chance have happened to have been a rather large tent would it, Lieutenant”, asked the Major General.

‘Yes, sir, as a matter of fact it was. A very large orange tent almost directly in the center of our encampment”, replied Die Ratte.

“I see”, said the Major General as a bit more color drained from his face, “I do see indeed. Do you think that you might somehow manage to find your way back to that same tent, Lieutenant? On a very direct route I mean, so that you do not in any way delay the return of this magnificent animal to its owner?”

“Well, sir, yes I suppose I could do that”, said Die Ratte. “You don’t like the horse, sir? I thought I had selected a very good one this time. I thought you would be pleased. My goal really was to make you happy, sir. A happy commanding officer is much easier to abide. After all, I do not envy a dressing down like the one you just experienced from Generaal Bijl.”

“If you do not manage to return this horse before General Bijl discovers it to be missing”, said the Major General, “a dressing down from Generaal Bijl will most likely be the least of our worries. A firing squad will more likely become our most prominent concern. I do not think he is going to take kindly to either of us for having stolen his horse.”

“What, sir”, grinned the Lieutenant, “do you mean to say that I have taken our Army Commander’s horse by mistake!”

“Hmmm, yes, a mistake Sir Rat”, replied the Major General. “Now please return him before Generaal Bijl realizes that he is indeed missing.”

Meanwhile, back at Army Headquarters…..

The Commander-in-Chief of the Anglo-Allied Army sat alone in his tent, pensively musing about the rather long conversation that he had just had with his Chief of Staff, the General in command of his redoubtable Hanover Brigade. Shaking his head at the thought of how many ways these Hanoverian officers managed to find to undermine the discipline of his army, he decided that some fresh air was in order. It would be good to stretch his legs for a bit anyway. At least the Hanoverians now understood the importance of having a proper respect for the chain of command. How long they would retain the lesson was certainly a matter for conjecture, but for the remainder of the day, at least, this should not be a problem. Pulling the orange tent flap aside he stepped out into the open air of the Anglo-Allied encampment. Stretching his knotted muscles, he proudly looked around at the bustling movements of his very active army and noticed…..that his horse was nowhere to be seen.

How was I to know that was the Generals horse. What to do? Oh, what to do?

With all that had occurred, the Rat suddenly realized the solution!

A COOKOUT! Ah that will solve the problem...............

In a few hours the pleasant aroma of the evening meal was wafting over the camp.

The General won't miss his horse, I never see him riding it. He always seems to stay in his tent!

Maybe we should invite him for the evening meal................

Ingenious way to get out of that one!!!!

Battle On... with one less horse!

Gott im Himmel!

Pssst.....

Pssst..... Hey Marco! I think I know what happened to your horse.



(gestures repeatedly in the direction of the raucous Hanoverian table where they are enjoying several platters of suspiciously large ribs)

_________________
Marechal Jeff Bardon
Duc de Castiglione et Prince de Wagram
Commandant de la Garde Imperiale

Oh, not I. I am not touching those ribs. I am trying to figure out a way to join the Swedish Army right now. Set needs some company!

Damn! Indeed my horse is missing. Where is my staff when you need them?!

I am sure I have stalled him here, just as I always do when I go to sleep, hum, I mean to work. But no, its gone. For sure its gone. And more important with it, also the expensive saddle with the silver fittings and gold saddle cloth is gone.

Ah, there is the guard, just in front of my bright orange tent with the gold embroidery, curtains, ladies etc.

Well, soldier did you see my horse?

Your horse Sir? Me Sir? No Sir!? Well I think...

Well, come on man what is it you need to say?! I am your army commander, I am a very busy man!

Well, Sir, Yes Sir, the last time I see it Sir, it was galloping, on its own towards the font line Sir!

On its own, without a rider?! My got, he is just as brave as I am? My god, that animal has spirit. He was just bored and decided to attack on its own! I should follow him right now and here.

But first I am hungry. Soldier, I smell BBQ, make sure I got a large piece will you?!

Yes Sir!

_________________

OMG, Gulp!

Just keep smiling, the Anglo-Allied Chief of Staff thinks to himself. Whatever you do, don't stop smiling, as he carefully tucks the Swedish Army enlistment papers into his coat.

The men of the Hanoverian Brigade were enjoying the barbecue with great joy. Someone even found some beer to help cool the spice that the sauce bit into their taste buds. All was going well until the two Generals showed up.

Attention!

"There now men, stand at ease. I understand that there is some fine tasting barbecue available"

"Ah, well yes, I mean that is correct General Bijl, General sir" stammers a Hanoverian

"Allow me to get you a plate"

"Please get two, one for my Chief of Staff also" asks the General

With that said, the Rat slips out the back of the tent and makes his way to a large field close to the encampment. There tied to a tree is the Generals horse.
"Come on boy, I have to get you back to the Generals tent! And fast!"



With that, the Rat walks the fine steed back to the camp and on toward the Generals tent.

What a fine tent the General has. It looks so nice and comfortable in the failing light.



With the steed now tied up behind the tent, The Rat thinks to himself,
"Oh why not, I always wanted to see what the inside looked like" so into the Generals tent steps he.

"Marco baby, is that you?" says a sweet voice.
The Rat is now standing in the middle of the room looking straight into the eyes of what must be, and could be, and certainly should be the Generals tentkeeper.



"P p p p parden me miss, I must have taken a wrong turn" and with that turns a streaks out of the tent. Running at full speed he speeds into a small fenced in area.

SMACK. He is knocked to the ground by a large object that resembles a horse.

Oh boy, now I have a great idea as he leads the horse back to the Hanoverian tent.

The commanding officer of the Hanover Brigade stared in horror as one of his men handed him a plate loaded with freshly barbequed ribs. Although the food appeared quite succulent, and the aroma of it was nearly overwhelming, the Major General just could not seem to muster much of an appetite for the proffered meat.

Taking his own plate of steaming ribs, the Commander-in-Chief said to his Chief of Staff, “Mmmm that smells delicious, General Jones, what say we find a seat among your men where we can enjoy this fine repast. It is always good to eat with the men, General Jones. It bolsters their morale to see that there senior officers are active and among them.”

“Yes, sir”, replied the Army’s Chief of Staff as he followed his commanding officer to a pair of empty seats. The Major General found his appetite to be severely diminished as he kept thinking of all of the musket balls that would soon be entering his body when his commanding officer discovered the true nature of his meal. Keep smiling, he thought to himself, Oh God, just keep smiling.

Taking a large bite of the perfectly cooked ribs, the Anglo-Allied Commander-in-Chief closed his eyes as he savored the succulent meat. “General Jones”, he said, “you have outdone yourself, sir! This is by far the very best meal I have enjoyed in quite some time.”

“Glad you like it, sir” said the Hanoverian Commander with the best grin he could muster under the circumstances.

“Well” said Generaal Bijl.

“Well what, sir” asked the Army’s Chief of Staff.

‘Well eat up, General Jones”, said the Anglo-Allied Commander. “You need to keep up your strength as your brigade will operate in the vanguard of our army in tomorrow’s attack. It would not do for you to faint in the middle of the engagement due to a lack of nourishment.”

“Yes, sir”, replied the Hanoverian officer, “the vanguard again, sir. Yes that is the place of honor that we do so love, sir”. Maybe the French will shoot me tomorrow and save me the indignity of a firing squad, thought the Major General to himself. Pulling a rib away from the rack, the Major General stared at it for a long moment. I cannot believe that I am about to eat the Generaal’s horse with him sitting right beside me. I am surely going to Hell for this one.

Just as the Major General was about to take his first bite, he caught the most subtle of movements out of the corner of his eye. Shifting his gaze ever so slightly, he saw The Rat leading a horse, Generaal Bijl’s horse in fact, stealthily aware from the Hanoverian encampment and back in the direction of Army Headquarters.

“Well eat, sir”, said Generaal Bijl.

Smiling genuinely for the very first time in several hours, the Hanoverian Commander replied, “Yes, sir, I believe I will do just that”. Taking a large bite of the succulent ribs, the Anglo-Allied Army’s Chief of Staff began to eat with invigorated gusto. Yes, it is always good to enjoy a fine meal with one’s men and commanding officer. Very good indeed!