Have I grown so predictable as that, Ernie? Well, as me old Granny Moscowitz used tae say, "Get yer finger outta there, that's why you're always bleeding!" Come, now, fellae soldiers, and sing wi' me that guid old school song, as I wax philosophical:
Immanuel Kant
Was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table!
David Hume
Could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein
Was a beery swine
Who was just as schlossed
As Schlegel.
There's nothin' Neitsche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
(Socrates himself was permanently pissed!)
John Stuart Mill
Of his own free will
On half a pint of shandy was
Particulary ill.
Hegel (they say)
Could stick it away,
Seven quarts of whiskey
Every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle
Was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes
Was a drunken fart,
"I drink - therefore I am!"
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed -
A lovely little thinker
But a bugger when he's pissed!
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